-mE-

home sweet home… been gone for a week visiting  Vegas and Frisco… honestly can’t get enough of frisco yet and i am definitely gonna go there again… another good news is that my dad finally allowed me to work in California… but with few restriction that i need to put in mind… i must work around my familiar area.. like LA and pomona… well… dat can be change a bit since now i am familiar with san diego. frisco and vegas… hahaha….

here’s the thing… i don’t have any strong intention to work around this boring grounds that i am currently staying… there’s nothing wrong with pomona or even LA.. its just that… i want to venture somewhere else.. like king julian from madagascar…only smarter…ok i am starting to talk bull crap here.. i guess i don’t have anything to write about… except that the trips was good.. there are few small tinsy winsy drama… but that won’t stop me from having fun for  i have  set my heart that nothing would interfere or destroy my moment and my trip… i work my ass off.. earning each pay to get to that point.. honestly i am proud of myself.. it might not be a big deal to others but it is to me…

ok… better stop now… sorry being such a boring ass… oh yeah forgot to mention the moral of the story that i gain from my trip to san fran… a good friend of mine told me… trust no one but your family.. let no one know about your family problem or your weakness because you never know if the one you trust might have a change of heart and have  bad intentions… not that i don’t know this so called moral of the story.. it’s just that… it really hit me.. i trust everyone that came across my path… every single person that i talk to or that i think i had a decent conversation with…. not only did i trust… i even loved them…. list them as a part of my life…. and let them meet my family… i guess… being too warm and friendly need to have its limits… i already learned it in a hard way… but hey.. better now then never.. and i did not regret on what have been done… i lived my life well… and yeah i did fall, trip and bleed along the way but its ok… there’s always hadiplast and good old fashion oilment to make it better..eventhough the pain might be gone for good, alas the scars will remain and that scars will constantly remind me not to repeat the same mistake again..

gosh…. the price that i have to pay after learning the truth… i still can’t believe it and thinking that maybe.. just maybe.. this is another make up story. but its the truth and i need to convince myself to swallow it.. never tot that someone that you think highly of could be such a devil… nor the person that you called as  the friend that you would not want to change for another for a million years could be the main culprit behind all this stupid twist and turns of drama

yeah yeah..you might say here we go again.. another chapter of Finez making another drama..another scene… but who.. tell me who can ever help it if  your trust is being shattered into gazillion pieces that you wonder what the hell did you do to deserve such ill-treatment. i’m not saying i’m all the good person in me.. but as a start.. i am for sure that i do not tell lies nor make lies nor past around bad words about other.. then why the heck does these particular people that i TRULY trust must be such an asshole.. there i said it.. yeah i am cursing but i am indeed mad and i don’t have any other option but letting it out on you bloggy.. i don’t give a damn if anyone starts reading this and starting to speculate about me on and on and on.. because… for the record.. it is good enough that i.. Shafinez Ahmad Iqbal.. have not go on a rampage and running on amok on those that have hurt me.. yeah..that’s right.. its good enough, after knowing what your faulty mouth have been talking about me.. that i did not take my sweet sweet revenge byt telling the truth that you have been hiding behind those closed closet..and reveal all the skeletons that you have been keeping it out of sight.. not to mention.. you are scrawny and have barely enough flesh to support you…

however it still amaze me how does your body could even support those heavy mouth of yours.. filled with lies and deception.. next time try clean you act.. or maybe you got the support from that big boyfriend of yours.. yes.. i said it.. maybe you got the guts because that belly that you keep on rubbing to get it thin with that thinning cream have helped you with your bi****ing attitude of yours…

if poeple have issue with me.. then come upfront and let settle it in civilize manners.. again… i have to say.. its good enough i did not start telling people what you have been saying and up to… here me out loud… my life are better of without you people…. may God forgive you for your sins because i’m for sure will not till you plead to me.. mean arent i ?! i am tired being nice and remain having good thought to those that i know… because kindness seems to show/ repay no justice in my life…

now that i have let it out from my heart… i need to focus back to my main goal.. my family… i’ve lost a lot of things that matter the most to me since i came here.. i lost my moyang.. my dearest moyang…. i lost my aunty… my family… lets put it aside… i lost my trust in friends… and now.. i’m done and i hope that all that i have lost and what i have been through is not in vain… there must be something good with all the bad things that had happened.. eventhough i could not see the light now.. but i believe there is… and will not let got that believe…  starting from now on.. i will avoid those that is not worthy of my compasion nor my time… i am no longer the girl that people can take advantage of nor will i fake it to like those that i despise… childish? well this is life that i learned and shapen me as the way i am now… am i proud of it… not truly.. i would love to be the old me… that have no problems.. always have positive thoughts to those that cross my path.. and always can return to the warmth of my family and beloved arms… alas… things have changed and like it or not… those that messes with me.. rest assure that i won’t go harrest you.. but i hope that your life will fill with guilt trip.. May God help you find your way during those dreadful path that you take. cheers.