Monday, May 5th, 2008
each passing days that i have been enduring since staying, studying and adapting in california had taught me a lot of things, which had taughen me up, bringing me closer and closer to adulthood. many would think especially those that i consider as aquintance, that this girl that they know or apperantly look at me from the outer surface might be judgemental towards how i think, react or maybe every bit of word that might pop out of my mouth, seems absurd.. or maybe immature… but nobody knows me more that i do… nobody knows whats beneath this skin, bone and flesh.
things have change ever since i set my foot on this land that is to be said full of oppurtunity. my whole life that surrounds me had change gradually or drasticlaly depends on each circumstance or event that might had effect on it to… but i know… its no longer the same… i have lost so much… and yet gain so little… i am not complaining just to justify that,, with all that had happened… the only thing that makes me still insane… and my mind working as it is right now.. is my family… knowing that if i crumble and fall… shambles into pieces that i myself could not collect, will also affect the ones that loved me and deserve to be loved by me…
there are so many things that i wish i hadnt done.. yet… regreting it wont help me to repent myself for what ever that i had done… thus, i choose to accepting it… taking it in and into my bossom… ensuring myself that what had done are just another step for me to understand who i am and what i choose or will become in the future… accepting your past will make you stronger to face your future and to be more precautios for each step that you are taking in your present too
accepting each mishap that had fallen onto you… will not make you weaker and intimidated by those that are born with such luck and prosperity.. but it should make you more sturdy.. like the willow… no matter how strong the wind blow, it will never be broken… .. it should make you more thankful… realizing that there are those that are more unfortunate than you are… and it also should make you humble knowing that there are greater power.. greater than any human kind… that could control you and give you strength for you to keep on walking on this trecerous world… and kind… for only kindness can take you sorrow away..
