-mE-

question… when is being frank is way to much to handle. is there a limit on what to say or not to say? is it a common decency that one person needs to somehow controls their brains threshold before uttering the unspeakeble words.. or thing that to them might not be offesive  yet hits like a dagger to others?

call me crazy but i sometimes get all work up when people says something which are mean and nasty… it somehow lingers in my brain.. as if the words or events still happens even though it was ages ago… grudge? vengeance? i don’t know.. all that i can say is that sometime a person.. whether close or not must know the limit what to say and when to say.. its a common courtesy.. like talking to a stranger.. you don’t suddenly put them down to shame when you just met the person 10 minutes ago… all I’m saying is that we humans are not hard as stone in terms of feelings(even stone turns to dust when under such terrible weather).. we do get crush in certain points.. and we hate that when it happens to us.. so why not have the same impulse of not doing it to others? I’m not saying that you need to put your words all sweet coated with sugar and cherry on the top.. just be modest in words and ways that you use it…for instance if you think that your friend is wearing that tiny skimpy and revealing clothes is not appropriate… there’s a choice of telling her how you feel or react to it…

a) kept quite and let others say mean things to her at her back and be part of it (tsk tsk… this is a no no… )…

b) be really nasty and mean to her .. i.e… gosh your watermellon are all over the place… (this is not the best ways to tell her how you feel and i totally disagrees this method)…

c)or by telling her nicely eventhough it might sounds a  bit hypocrite.. i.e… wow you look nice.. but i think you need to make it more nicer… i think you need to put a shawl so that it won’t look all blant… now you look radiant…

there you go… not to suck up sounding.. nor to mean… just modest… sooo for todays lesson… what we learnt is that.. yeah there is such thing as being tooooo frank… but sometimes… we need to understand that humans are just humans… if you pinch a person definately it will hurt… soo instead of pinching and causing such pain.. why not just give a lil tap .. besides.. everyone deserve to be respect and to be threated nicely…

home sweet home… been gone for a week visiting  Vegas and Frisco… honestly can’t get enough of frisco yet and i am definitely gonna go there again… another good news is that my dad finally allowed me to work in California… but with few restriction that i need to put in mind… i must work around my familiar area.. like LA and pomona… well… dat can be change a bit since now i am familiar with san diego. frisco and vegas… hahaha….

here’s the thing… i don’t have any strong intention to work around this boring grounds that i am currently staying… there’s nothing wrong with pomona or even LA.. its just that… i want to venture somewhere else.. like king julian from madagascar…only smarter…ok i am starting to talk bull crap here.. i guess i don’t have anything to write about… except that the trips was good.. there are few small tinsy winsy drama… but that won’t stop me from having fun for  i have  set my heart that nothing would interfere or destroy my moment and my trip… i work my ass off.. earning each pay to get to that point.. honestly i am proud of myself.. it might not be a big deal to others but it is to me…

ok… better stop now… sorry being such a boring ass… oh yeah forgot to mention the moral of the story that i gain from my trip to san fran… a good friend of mine told me… trust no one but your family.. let no one know about your family problem or your weakness because you never know if the one you trust might have a change of heart and have  bad intentions… not that i don’t know this so called moral of the story.. it’s just that… it really hit me.. i trust everyone that came across my path… every single person that i talk to or that i think i had a decent conversation with…. not only did i trust… i even loved them…. list them as a part of my life…. and let them meet my family… i guess… being too warm and friendly need to have its limits… i already learned it in a hard way… but hey.. better now then never.. and i did not regret on what have been done… i lived my life well… and yeah i did fall, trip and bleed along the way but its ok… there’s always hadiplast and good old fashion oilment to make it better..eventhough the pain might be gone for good, alas the scars will remain and that scars will constantly remind me not to repeat the same mistake again..

gosh…. the price that i have to pay after learning the truth… i still can’t believe it and thinking that maybe.. just maybe.. this is another make up story. but its the truth and i need to convince myself to swallow it.. never tot that someone that you think highly of could be such a devil… nor the person that you called as  the friend that you would not want to change for another for a million years could be the main culprit behind all this stupid twist and turns of drama

yeah yeah..you might say here we go again.. another chapter of Finez making another drama..another scene… but who.. tell me who can ever help it if  your trust is being shattered into gazillion pieces that you wonder what the hell did you do to deserve such ill-treatment. i’m not saying i’m all the good person in me.. but as a start.. i am for sure that i do not tell lies nor make lies nor past around bad words about other.. then why the heck does these particular people that i TRULY trust must be such an asshole.. there i said it.. yeah i am cursing but i am indeed mad and i don’t have any other option but letting it out on you bloggy.. i don’t give a damn if anyone starts reading this and starting to speculate about me on and on and on.. because… for the record.. it is good enough that i.. Shafinez Ahmad Iqbal.. have not go on a rampage and running on amok on those that have hurt me.. yeah..that’s right.. its good enough, after knowing what your faulty mouth have been talking about me.. that i did not take my sweet sweet revenge byt telling the truth that you have been hiding behind those closed closet..and reveal all the skeletons that you have been keeping it out of sight.. not to mention.. you are scrawny and have barely enough flesh to support you…

however it still amaze me how does your body could even support those heavy mouth of yours.. filled with lies and deception.. next time try clean you act.. or maybe you got the support from that big boyfriend of yours.. yes.. i said it.. maybe you got the guts because that belly that you keep on rubbing to get it thin with that thinning cream have helped you with your bi****ing attitude of yours…

if poeple have issue with me.. then come upfront and let settle it in civilize manners.. again… i have to say.. its good enough i did not start telling people what you have been saying and up to… here me out loud… my life are better of without you people…. may God forgive you for your sins because i’m for sure will not till you plead to me.. mean arent i ?! i am tired being nice and remain having good thought to those that i know… because kindness seems to show/ repay no justice in my life…

now that i have let it out from my heart… i need to focus back to my main goal.. my family… i’ve lost a lot of things that matter the most to me since i came here.. i lost my moyang.. my dearest moyang…. i lost my aunty… my family… lets put it aside… i lost my trust in friends… and now.. i’m done and i hope that all that i have lost and what i have been through is not in vain… there must be something good with all the bad things that had happened.. eventhough i could not see the light now.. but i believe there is… and will not let got that believe…  starting from now on.. i will avoid those that is not worthy of my compasion nor my time… i am no longer the girl that people can take advantage of nor will i fake it to like those that i despise… childish? well this is life that i learned and shapen me as the way i am now… am i proud of it… not truly.. i would love to be the old me… that have no problems.. always have positive thoughts to those that cross my path.. and always can return to the warmth of my family and beloved arms… alas… things have changed and like it or not… those that messes with me.. rest assure that i won’t go harrest you.. but i hope that your life will fill with guilt trip.. May God help you find your way during those dreadful path that you take. cheers.

each passing days that i have been enduring since staying, studying and adapting in california had taught me a lot of things, which had taughen me up, bringing me closer and closer to adulthood. many would think especially those that i consider as aquintance, that this girl that they know or apperantly look at me from the outer surface might be judgemental towards how i think, react or maybe every bit of word that might pop out of my mouth, seems absurd.. or maybe immature… but nobody knows me more that i do… nobody knows whats beneath this skin, bone and flesh.
things have change ever since i set my foot on this land that is to be said full of oppurtunity. my whole life that surrounds me had change gradually or drasticlaly depends on each circumstance or event that might had effect on it to… but i know… its no longer the same… i have lost so much… and yet gain so little… i am not complaining just to justify that,, with all that had happened… the only thing that makes me still insane… and my mind working as it is right now.. is my family… knowing that if i crumble and fall… shambles into pieces that i myself could not collect, will also affect the ones that loved me and deserve to be loved by me…
there are so many things that i wish i hadnt done.. yet… regreting it wont help me to repent myself for what ever that i had done… thus, i choose to accepting it… taking it in and into my bossom… ensuring myself that what had done are just another step for me to understand who i am and what i choose or will become in the future… accepting your past will make you stronger to face your future and to be more precautios for each step that you are taking in your present too
accepting each mishap that had fallen onto you… will not make you weaker and intimidated by those that are born with such luck and prosperity.. but it should make you more sturdy.. like the willow… no matter how strong the wind blow, it will never be broken… .. it should make you more thankful… realizing that there are those that are more unfortunate than you are… and it also should make you humble knowing that there are greater power.. greater than any human kind… that could control you and give you strength for you to keep on walking on this trecerous world… and kind… for only kindness can take you sorrow away..

assalamualaikum

gosh~..its already 3 month i’m in calli and still i miss my parents so much.. and malaysia… and sisters and brothers and friends and uncle and aunties and moyang and cuzzins and atuk and opah and nenek… basically.. i miss everyone back at home… 3 month… and still surviving… with new quarter to endure… more information to be absorb in this mindless brain of mine… and am trying to stick… meaning.. stick with determination and discipline… to new quarter resolution…. am not going to post it… but don’t worry.. it will remain in my head for the rest of my life in USA….

spring break was really really really short… 1 week… and i’m used to have breaks like 3 month!!! well…lets look the positive side.. less break…less time wasted… and all the information in your head are still fresh…soo my brain is not KARAT… spring break was ok.. went for sight seeing in hollywood.. the funny thing is that.. i didn’t feel excited going there.. and the best part of it is that i wanted..so badly to come back home..meaning my village in campus…. am i turning into a granny… stay at home… all day long with cats all aorund… NOOOO!!!!

ugh.. don’t know what else to write.. might as well stop and read pudd’n head for history class.. ok…goodbye….

assalamualaikum

hai bloggy…. am not feeling to good lately… life have been so dreadful and its suffocating me…. miss home and mom and dad soo much… and sisters and brother…. soo much things to do…lab report..assignments…and midterm that i need to prepare and endure…. have to be strong…have to work hard and concentrate and focus…must not waste time..must not loiter around doing nothing and eventually waste time…wish had more time… so that i can spend more time with family and friends.. in malaysia and here…. well.. have to continue on work+study…. bye2 bloggy…

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

waaaaa

i want to have sean brain…. is it possible for him to transfer his brain to me..sikit aje… so that i can be super duper good in biochem……

assalamualaikum

hey bolggy dear..yeah.. i know…i have been abandone u for such a long time…sorry…but i do have good reasons for such behavior…ok done with apology… now..about what have been going on in this past few days or week… nothing much..class has started… am busy with studying..need to concentrate more on genetics and brush up my chemistry for biochem… has done 1st biochem quiz…which was ok… can’t simple be boostful about it..must always be modest…have to prepare for next quiz..that is biochem lab… which is on tuesday after martin luther king holiday… and lastly need…very much indeed..to finish up my genetics and american government…before siting for the exam next2 week.. so pratically.. i can conclude that my life is terribly and horribly busy… no time to play hanky panky and make a fool of myself….

miss mama and daddy and whole bunch of iqbal+fauziah children.. still… but since i can call them for free… the missing feeling starts to heal… and another thing.. wish mama and papa really do believe that i call for free… and stop worrying…and just talk to me… miss them terribly…

weather is getting colder and colder each passing day..some of my friends predicted…there might be snow here… funny.. i never tot that at coastal line..its possible to have snow…herm… but hey.. we never know..

oh… another thing…last friday..went to LA… had bad experience in bus…felling nausea and want to puke badly… what a way to travel fashionably… and make oneself look greenish colour because of holding back the puke… ugh…. next time..no more travelling during winter season…might as well stay indoors…

however… must not regret..since i had such a good time…especialy pigging myself with malaysian food…how i miss spicy food and at last dapat makan sambal udang and kuah kacang… right now..am craving for mama tomyam..yum2… mama nak tomyam……ok…dats it… better stop..before this tomyam-craving starts to develop i-miss-home feeling… nite2 bloggy…till then.. ta ta

wassalam

*p/s: tq raudha and ashy for helping me out in term of combating my nausea… and also elly and everyone else…tq for not making me feel emberassed…

assalamualaikum bloggy

wAaAaA.. MISS MY MOM AND DAD.. MISS MY SISTERS AND BROTHER.. MISS EVERYONE BACK AT HOME…huhuuhu…what a way to celebrate new year…. instead of feeling happy and having new resolution…am feeling sad and dazed…is this really USA…am i in california..maybe i’m actually in fraser hill or maybe cameron… because it seems to be like it…except the fact that its impossible to have target and ikea in fraser hill and cameron…

herm.. raya haji was terrible since i didn’t celebrate it at all… there’s loads of thing that needed to be done and accomplish.. so basically… my raya haji was filled with doing chores instead of going to the mosque and stuff…

huhuhuuh..miss mama rendang dinding…and miss cabut uban daddy..although back at home i was quite reluctant to do so… miss teasing kila and sariyah..and forcing them to dance chicken dance and cicak dance… huh..miss tickling syafiq until his face turns red…and miss disturbing syaqirah until she got annoyed and basically stick her tongue at me…

miss doyok and jayent…although they like to tease me and call me names like JEJAKI….sheesh…it doesnt mean that i hang with you guys (yes i know…most of the time and only you guys that i spend my glorious day with)it will totally affect my gender…hello..i’m still a girl ok….=p…. miss you guys soo much…

miss makmah and uncle razif and the rest of the family..tq makmah and uncle razif for supporting me all the way… i love you guys so much….sayang makmah and uncle razif sangat2

miss mysara and wanteh and everybody back at ch… where i spend most of my times while in tpm…miss doing crazy and unpredictble stuff with my darling mysara… huhuh..my dtg la cini…=(

miss all my cuzin back at home…everybody…huhuhuh..miss you guys so much..baru 4 hari..dah rindu sangat nie….

i guess the cold wheather really gets me… back at home.. i wish the sun was not to hot and bright..and here..i wish the sun could provide enough heat.. the cold is unbearable….huhuh… am still feel amazed seeing my friends can actually wear flip flop…don’t they feel cold… i tried it and…my feet went numb…and starting from now onwards i vowed never to do that again… unless i have no choice ( all my socks are dirty or something else happened)

i guess that’s just about it… wanna get some shut eye..tommorow have to go for another campus tour..gotta get ready… before class starts..nanti sesat pulak….and tak sampai kelas…good nite bloggy and happy new year…wassalam